They Say Everything Happens For A Reason

…Well if that’s the case, last night was God’s big “eff you”. In other words, it was a learning experience. One that I would have survived the rest of my life not experiencing just fine. You see, I am what they call a “type a” personality. Mainly this comes into play with my plans.

I. Plan. Everything.

It can be a blessing a curse. I have at some point planned out every detail of my life. Except my wedding. Never even thought about that one. I’ve actually always rather someone else plan that for me. But that’s a different story for another day.

It’s good to have plan. I think it gives everyone focus and purpose in life. I mean who wants to just float by doing things for no reason? I like knowing that at least most things I do are for a reason. That’s why when you randomly get broken up with one day after including that person in your plan (and having that person want to be included), it’s a little difficult to recover.

But back to the point.

Without being too specific, my job requires me to oversee things being done. I don’t actually do the things that are needed, but I distribute them, give them the okay, and make sure they are finalized. Since I work in news, you can imagine things are constantly changing and need to be done on a very tight time frame. Since the beginning it’s been difficult to just take a back seat. I do the beginning work and the end work, but the middle (where the magic happens) is out of my hands. Once it gets to that phase, my pen clicking, gum chomping, and foot tapping kicks into high gear.

Last night was especially difficult because I was only working with one other person as opposed to three. The stuff we do adds the extra little flare to the show. It’s not like the show can’t go on without it, but it’s our “thing”. Since it’s not pressing it’s usually okay if there is a time crunch and a couple of things don’t make it. Last night a lot of things didn’t make it.

It’s so hard to be the point person because not only do I want to succeed for myself, but I don’t want to let anyone else down. This was also my first night flying completely solo so there was added pressure. While I know nothing is my fault and I did the best I could, it’s still somewhat of a disappointment.

But, perhaps that’s the kick in the ass I needed to realize that things won’t always go my way. My plan is going to go off track sometimes. Not everything is in my control. As long as I know I’ve done my very best, I can’t punish myself for other people’s thoughts or actions. I guess that applies to a lot of things in my life right now.

The whole night I was planning on going to spinning, but after not getting home until 12:15 and not falling asleep until way later, I called it off. I’m opting instead for the elliptical and some ab work. Today is technically an off day, but I think some light elliptical will be good for my body and mind!

Advertisements

A Whole New World

Welcome to the second week of January. By now everyone who took vacations is back to work, colleges are back in, and Boston finally looks like people live here again. It’s so nice to see people in the city.

Especially when the weather was as gorgeous as it was this weekend. Saturday was basically unreal. Everyone was out and about and exercising. Me included. On the plan for the weekend was a 70 minute long run, with instructions from the coach not to stop. The goal is to regulate my pace into that “easy” place where I know I can sustain it rather than running so fast I’m forced to stop. Even though it has never hurt my overall pace, apparently it isn’t the most effective method.

So that’s what I did.

Ran 8.25 miles in 70 minutes. Granted I might have chosen to run where I knew I would hit the most red lights, but I didn’t need to stop once. Toward the end, though, my calves got super sore. But baby steps. Cannot believe I did 8.25 miles without stopping!

Saturday night was…interesting. I caught up with my freshman year college roommates. It was the first time I’ve really gone out being “single”. It was odd. I’m not sure how much I liked it. Maybe going to college bars just isn’t my scene anymore. At least to find responsible, mature, somewhat put together men. Men, not boys. Need to find where the investment bankers hang out on the weekends.

But I guess it was necessary to get out there.

And to drink 7 vodka tonics.

And come home and eat too much peanut butter out of the jar, because who doesn’t eat peanut butter as drunk food.

And wonders never cease because I woke up at 8am with no signs of a hangover. The puppy, however, clearly had a rager while I was gone because he wanted no part of waking up.

It’s interesting how much you appreciate the weekends and downtime when you’re in the real world. Maybe even a little bit more than I did in college.

It’s all just a whole new world for me now…

The Obligatory Post

January 2nd, 2012. Already made it through one day in 2012, so maybe the world isn’t ending after all! Thank God, because if my Dad spent all that money on my education only for the world to come to an end, I think he’d be pissed. But on that note if the world is going to end, I should really start spending this savings account I’ve been building up. Who needs money when you’re dead?

Anyway.

So the obligatory post. Which one is that? Of course the resolutions and goals for 2012. I figure since I want this blog to be more of a journal, it’s okay to write out my goals and then the world can hold me accountable. Because obviously, the whole entire world is reading this blog currently. If you want to know how I got such a readership after 2 days, shoot me an email, I only charge a small fee to divulge my secrets.

Onto those goals. For now, I really don’t have that many. I have things I know I want to do, but I haven’t really narrowed down a list of the things I’m uncertain about. I think goals and resolutions are really important to push yourself, but I’m way too type-A and I could never put something on this list if I wasn’t positive.

1) Run a marathon. I took the first step when I registered after far too many glasses on wine on Christmas weekend. It’s been in the back of my mind for a year and I know I can do it. It’s going to be hard and it’s definitely a commitment, but that’s why it’s number 1. And the best part is the marathon is the same weekend as my graduation so I’ll have a great cheering squad of my whole family.

2) Read more. I love to read. In the last year I’ve read a lot, but it’d usually be on breaks from school where I hoard books and sit in a corner and read for weeks. Now that I’m done with that whole college thing and I work really weird hours, I have my whole day free where everyone else is working or in class. Instead of just sitting on my couch after I work out or run, I could easily be breezing through books. I don’t want to set an amount to read, but I do want to make a trip to the library once a month.

3) Move on and let go. So that’s rather broad, huh? This past year I’d like to say I’ve grown up a lot. I think I know a lot more about myself and the kind of things that make me tick than before. Unfortunately, I’m also a control freak and it really irritates me when things are out of my control and I can’t change a situation to the way I saw it in my head. For instance, that whole break up thing. That wasn’t supposed to happen. My control-freak self would love to change it and make it work the way I want. Unfortunately, my logical self knows thats not how things work. So I’m going to try really, really hard to just relax and let things go. See what happens and try not to drive myself crazy in the process.

4) Enjoy the situation now. Another broad one, I know. Back to that whole control freak thing, I saw myself in a job in NYC by now living alone. I’ve wanted to live alone for years, but it just wasn’t monetarily realistic. Although I adore my roommate, I’ve discovered I’m not the type of person who should have a roommate. I’m the type of person who wants everything the exact way I left it when I come home, who doesn’t mind be alone when I’m home, who doesn’t want to clean up after others, and doesn’t want others cleaning up after me. Similarly, even though I saw myself in a job in NYC that’s not how things unfolded. I have a job in my field, with a paycheck, immediately upon graduating and that’s more than most people can say. Instead of constantly trying to change things and look at the negative, I think I really need to throw myself into the things that I do have going for me. A roommate whose my best friend and a great first job.

5) Keep reaching for my goals. So now just to contradict myself completely, I’m a planner. I make lists every day. I love crossing things off them, and I’m sad if I go to bed without everything done. I plan my future because, for me, I think that’s the only way to reach where I’m going. So while yes, I don’t want to plan every minute and I think I need to be a little more spontaneous, I also think having a big goal in mind or an end point is the only way I can really get where I want to go. So sure, maybe I need to live in the moment, but I don’t think that should ever mean discounting the big picture.

So that’s it. Those are my five goals for 2012. Only two of them are really tangible, the others are more psychological, I guess. But I think that’s good. It gives me time to work on myself. And I guess that’s what being single is about? I should really rename this: 2012 goals: not to be a crazy control freak. Period.

Oh, I should add, another goal is to find out where you find boys to date. Seriously, where? Send any eligible bachelors this way, please and thanks