They Say Everything Happens For A Reason

…Well if that’s the case, last night was God’s big “eff you”. In other words, it was a learning experience. One that I would have survived the rest of my life not experiencing just fine. You see, I am what they call a “type a” personality. Mainly this comes into play with my plans.

I. Plan. Everything.

It can be a blessing a curse. I have at some point planned out every detail of my life. Except my wedding. Never even thought about that one. I’ve actually always rather someone else plan that for me. But that’s a different story for another day.

It’s good to have plan. I think it gives everyone focus and purpose in life. I mean who wants to just float by doing things for no reason? I like knowing that at least most things I do are for a reason. That’s why when you randomly get broken up with one day after including that person in your plan (and having that person want to be included), it’s a little difficult to recover.

But back to the point.

Without being too specific, my job requires me to oversee things being done. I don’t actually do the things that are needed, but I distribute them, give them the okay, and make sure they are finalized. Since I work in news, you can imagine things are constantly changing and need to be done on a very tight time frame. Since the beginning it’s been difficult to just take a back seat. I do the beginning work and the end work, but the middle (where the magic happens) is out of my hands. Once it gets to that phase, my pen clicking, gum chomping, and foot tapping kicks into high gear.

Last night was especially difficult because I was only working with one other person as opposed to three. The stuff we do adds the extra little flare to the show. It’s not like the show can’t go on without it, but it’s our “thing”. Since it’s not pressing it’s usually okay if there is a time crunch and a couple of things don’t make it. Last night a lot of things didn’t make it.

It’s so hard to be the point person because not only do I want to succeed for myself, but I don’t want to let anyone else down. This was also my first night flying completely solo so there was added pressure. While I know nothing is my fault and I did the best I could, it’s still somewhat of a disappointment.

But, perhaps that’s the kick in the ass I needed to realize that things won’t always go my way. My plan is going to go off track sometimes. Not everything is in my control. As long as I know I’ve done my very best, I can’t punish myself for other people’s thoughts or actions. I guess that applies to a lot of things in my life right now.

The whole night I was planning on going to spinning, but after not getting home until 12:15 and not falling asleep until way later, I called it off. I’m opting instead for the elliptical and some ab work. Today is technically an off day, but I think some light elliptical will be good for my body and mind!